Going Back

Today I was invited to go back to St Nicholas to do the talk at the weekly Staff devotions. Yesterday as we drove past the school, I said to Pete how remote the whole school life felt to me – both past and present. But I was so pleased when Kamal phoned on Monday and asked me to share something with the staff.

I spent a lot of time this week thinking what to share. I often ended up doing chapel when there was no-one else rostered and it was always easy because I had a fund of ideas from services and bible studies. But this time, I (gulp!) haven’t been to church since July sometime – probably early July – so other peoples’ ideas were a bit thin on the ground. And most of the books I have been reading about re-incarnation of pets and the way they wait for you on the rainbow Bridge, Bill Bryson’s A short History of just about everything, and a book about the ’94 elections would be sure to offend someone.

I looked at something from BRF on Light and darkness, but it seemed a bit preachy. Then I decided to something for World Rhino Day, and spent hours (till midnight and I had to wake up at 6.30!!) collecting readings, prayers and stories for Chapel.

Then, when I woke up this morning, I knew I needed to share some of my journey through other educational institutions over the last 3 months with the teachers who were still in the place I had been last year. I started with the article from today’s Witness, the looked at the conference at St John’s with the wireless network and twitter feed; the Botswana conference with teachers from African countries which had just introduced free, compulsory educations and now had classes of 200 to one teacher – and the Americans who had come to solve all Africa’s problems; the textbook workshop with Lawrence telling us about the Frances Cornford poem he does with his students in Langa; the time on the Wild Coast, with its laughs, its shocks, its sadnesses and its triumphs; the schools in Nairobi and the trainers in Mombasa and all I learnt from David and the group; and ended with what I heard and thought at the RASA conference in Cape Town.

There was no spirituality in it – except that we are responsible for the children – as Graeme Bloch said – we need to give them a reason to shoot for the stars. I’m going to write an article about it – but it just happened today.

How people received it is neither here nor there – but the greeting I received from staff and friends and children was overwhelming. I was afraid I might be knocked down in the enthusiasm of the hugs! Annette met me at the car – it was good to see her looking so much better; Cecilia, who brought me some tea, wiped away tears of happiness; Sue and Caro who keep me so entertained with their antics on facebook came running out to catch me before I escaped; Oom Piet beamed as he opened the gate for me; I waved and hugged and felt enfolded in love. My life at St Nics has not disappeared – I am remembered and loved, and it’s a good feeling.

There are a lot of things I miss – people who share their lives with me, kids who are just so affectionate and affirming, friends – young and old, new and long-standing – who are part of the fabric of my life; being part of the planning of a dynamic organisation; some of the mental stimulation; planning new programmes to work on in classrooms; and most of all, teaching. I LOVE TEACHING. I want to do some more of it.

But there are parts of me that wonder whether I actually ever did work there – or was it all some sort of fantasy world. And some of it I don’t miss at all – hassling over finances, reports, computer malfunction, interruptions, getting up early and getting home late, fighting amongst staff and always having to be in the middle. I don’t miss any of that. I don’t want to go back.

But the sad feeling of being Julius Caesar – “The evil men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones” after my very unhappy and frustrating first term back at St Nics – is dissipating. I’m sure that certain people still don’t want me on the campus, but most do. I’m remembering happy times and how much I owe to what I learnt there, and how much of what I learnt, I take with me into new ventures.

So going back was good this time. Thank you, Kamal, for officially asking me so I knew I wasn’t an intruder. I can go back happily again.