Happily Married Week

On Thursday Dezlin posted a Happily Married Week post on her facebook profile, and I reposted it onto mine. At the same time I changed my profile pic to one of Pete and me on our wedding day.

So what does 40 years of knowing each other and 35 years of being married mean to me?

I still remember being at Leticia's house on a day in early December just after turning 18. It was the day of the matric dance and I was on my way to the hairdresser to have my long, straight hair teased and curled into what would now be called an "upstyle." Tee phoned and Pete came across the road to meet me. I don't think there were any violins and shooting stars, but by the end of that evening, I felt that this shy young man was really very nice. And the next few months and years confirmed this. I wasn't good at long distance relationships, but we kept up a correspondence and then when he came home to do his internship in Pmb in my last year at College, we started a real relationship. Every time I drive along Oribi Road in November, I think of the long evening walks we took at the end of my academic year - just seeing jacarandas under streetlights evokes love and romance.

Once I started teaching in Highflats while Pete was working in Port Shepstone, we only saw each other once in 2 weeks, but we knew it wasn't long and we would be married and live together all the time. The wedding was fairytale - after a hectic build up, I floated through the day - and then through the night on the bottle of champagne my dad had hidden in the car for us as we left for our honeymoon. That much alcohol on an empty tummy was hectic!

Settling down to married life wasn't difficult - a new house, a new job, new friends - and always Pete to come home to. Sarah arrived when we had been married nearly three years and we had moved to Dundee, and Nicky 2 years later when we had moved to Pmb and the house in Dennis Road that we lived in for 14 years. There were tough times - moving too often, Pete having to spend a lot of time away, no job and never quite enough money, babies that cried. But there were great times too - getting involved at St Matthew's, Marriage Encounter, friendships that endure, and our wonderful kids - the light of both our lives.

When Kev was born 14 years ago, we did a lot of evaluating of our lives, and have spent the time since then building and consolidating the importance of our family. It's grown - first Kev, then Riaan and Ray, then Sihle and now Ricky. We've mellowed and I think we've become less selfish - realising that there's room for much more love if you let it grow. Our home is open to our kids' friends and relations, to our friends and to others who need the space to be in a family.

This new phase of our lives - retirement - is like being newlyweds again, without all the anxieties of youth. We can travel, walk, read, renovate the house, work together and separately, just "be" - and it is great. I have to echo Maurice Chevaliers words "I'm glad I'm not young any more," but there is a part of me that is just as young as it ever was. Seeing Pete at the airport last week when he came to fetch me made me realise how much I love him. Being with him makes my heart feel light. Living with him makes my day bright. Loving him makes me complete.

I feel so sad for people who have lost their beloved partners, and those whose marriages have ended in divorce. I am so grateful that Pete and I have the chance to grow old together, to have memories that go back 2/3 of our lives, that we know each other better than we know anyone else except ourselves.

Happily Married Week - yes. But we also have Happily Married Life. Praise God.