Over 50s are more responsible?

Insurance for over 50’s -Get lower premiums because you are grouped with other responsible people.

So says the advert on the side of my facebook page. It starts me thinking. Grouped with – other responsible people? Who are they talking about? Maybe people who are 51 or 53 or even 55. But not the groups of friends I have who are 60 or more. They are NOT the most responsible people I know. Far from it!

It really is strange how young people are considered to be frivolous and irresponsible, while older people are meant to be serious and responsible. Teenagers, yes . And Varsity students – yes. Being a student is the time of your life when you have it all. You are treated as an adult in most ways – drive, go where you like, with whom you like, doing what you like, but no one expects you to behave like an adult – responsible, good with money, sensible, etc.

But once you start work it’s downhill all the way into being responsible and sensible. You have to first get a job, then keep it, then make enough money to buy a house so you have to stay in the boring job, then save for the things you need – or buy on credit so you have to work even harder to keep up all the payments, and that’s even before you have children – bottomless pits of needing cricket bats, dentists visits and clothes. Apart from love and support.

I think my most responsible years were in my 30s and 40s - building a career, taking myself so seriously. It was a serious time in the life of our country – when there was so much wrong and so little we could do about it. I’m sure it shaped my earnestness and responsibility. Joining organisations like Koinonia, earnestly working with training groups like TREE, being involved in the church and Marriage Encounter, teaching at St Nicholas in the first days of democracy, all helped make me responsible and grown up. Not that any of the things were bad, and not that we didn’t have fun, but we were very responsible.

Lots changed for me when I moved into my 50s.

Studying for my BEd Honours in the Psychology department at UKZN, with fellow students who had been in school and undergrad classes with my kids, made me feel younger, not older and more earnest. Sharing lipgloss and designer water was a very emancipating thing!

Working with my good friend Mike Ford and starting the High School at St Nics was fun and energising. Mike and I had an amazing synergy in the early days and sparked new ideas off each other on a daily basis. The amount of caffeine in the endless cups of coffee and slabs of chocolate might have had something to do with that.

Having my good friend Tracy Bell, with her alternative ideas of ‘church” as our Priest and School Chaplain took some of the “earnestness” and “do-doodery’ out of church and made it more real and vital for me.

We joined a Lent Course group that turned into a housegroup – with old friends, Rod and Fi Bulman and John and Julienne Booyens and new friends Chris and Deanna Russell – and along with the Bible study came a “party” mentality – visits to the HEX for supper theatres, “langtafel” lunches, Christmas in July, sending silly e-mails back and forth to make the others laugh – good times – and not ‘responsible’ times.

As our girls grew and became adults and married, we didn’t find ourselves feeling older, but have enjoyed spending time with our grown up children on a more equal footing. Hanging out with Sarah and Riaan in Pretoria is always a joy, and our trip around the South Island with Nic and Ray 2 years ago was the nicest holiday I have ever had.

Inviting Sihle into our home when his dad died, and having a teenage son after 2 girls was also something that made us less serious. Sihle is a joy and a treasure, and has always been part of our lives since he was a little boy, so having him live with us wasn’t taking on another responsibility, but a natural progression. His sense of humour – so like Joel’s – delights me daily.

And grandchildren – aging? Not in our book! Kev has kept us young – full of life and energy and funny things he says and does – we love the young man he is growing up into. And we look forward to loving Ricky just as much.

So being retired has meant freedom and lack of responsibility. We play more, travel more, drink more, exercise more, stay in bed late because we feel like it more – in fact, this is the first time since I was a student that I have lived such a hedonistic lifestyle. And it is great!